Tuesday, 3 July 2018

How long will you date her before officially making her yours?



Hello fam, happy Sunday dear to you all. Trust everyone is as blessed as I am today.



During the homily today Sunday July 1st 2018, after the first and second reading and the gospel, the preacher of St. Joseph The Worker's Parish, Ndobo, Bonaberi, Douala, Rev. Fr. Alphonsus Chukwunenye, made an out of the readings statement, that 'Women have become cheap to the extent that men do not bother to officially marry them,traditionally, civilly or religiously'.

This statement was VERY powerful as he elaborated further. It actually came up at a time when I was looking forward to put up this issue on this page, because in my experience as a relationship counselor, I have felt helpless, each time I mediate for people in relationships without foundation.

One guy told his partner for 7 years with three kids Infront of me during a mediation session, that "Am I married to you? Have you ever seen my parents in your father's house? If you want to go, go away, but don't you dare try to take any of my kids along''.

For more than ten minutes, I listened and watched him tagging her all sorts of labels as she cried out her eyes. His every word was seasoned with bitterness, hatred, anger and regret, and every word he spoke, bruised her heart, as she reacted with screams of disbelief and tears, because she did not know that her wasted years with him will be paid back with such cruelty.

When he was done, I gave him water to drink, and then he could breath well again. He had just emptied himself of what he felt about her, after using her for SEVEN good years. She had given him three lovely kids, and through out those seven years, he did not see the witch in her as he was calling her. He did not see the filthines in her. He had used her, and now he wanted to dump her for another, and worse of, he wants to separate her from her chidren.

I spoke to him, and asked how he will react if his beloved daughter was treated like that by a man someday. I asked why he did not separate with her during their second year of doing came-we-stay? I used the bible and Divine inspiration to thwart his plans, before finally asking for the number of his mother and two elder sisters.

Infront of them I called his two sisters, who are happily married, and I asked both of them who are equally my readers, if they knew their brother had be co-habitating with someone's daughter for SEVEN years, and now that she had given him three beautiful kids, he wanted to dump her. I asked each and every one of them how long they dated their now husbands before they finally married them?. I told them how disappointed heaven and earth was with them, for knowing their brother was living with someone's daughter, and they never thought of pushing him to cement the relationship, but yet,each time she puts to birth, they come and celebrate.

The boy felt weak infront of me, as I told him the truth, and further told him that the law will never give him those kids, if he ever thought of sending their mother away or separating them from her.

He had used her. Exhausted her youthfullness, toiled with her emotions. Killed her emotionally, and wanted to get rid of her because he had seen a banker lady he was in love with.

He said he no longer loved her. That was her crime.


I asked him to forget about the girl and the kids as well, and threatened that we meet in court. For a week, they stayed separately. I was surprised when he called me one evening that he was coming to meet me, and when he came, to the glory of God Most High, he brought an engagement ring for Pelagie, and as I write, he has paid her dowry, married her officially, and will be doing their wedding in November, where I will be blessed to be a Godmother.


He confessed that he was ignorant of many things, and that it took him one week to think and realize that he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

There are many Rolands and Pelagies around and with us as I write.

To the Rolands, how can you stay with someone's daughter for two, three, four till seven years, without marrying her traditionally, civilly and religiously? How comfortable are you to use her as your baby factory. Make her satisfy yur exaggerated demands, punch her at will, unleash your frustrations on her through insults and physical violence, and when yu feel it is the right time for you to move on, you say she is not a wife material? God Bless you my brother

Pelagies, how can you even accept to stay in a man's house for two, three, four five and up to seven years without him going to see your parents and yet, you think he loves you?, How can you be living with a man for years, and yet know nothing about his family or where he comes from? Do you think he is a ghost? If you think he is a ghost, then he will oneday disappear while you are fast asleep. How can you bear two, three and at times four children, with a man who is not thinking of making you his life partner?

And you relatives of the Rolands in living in such circumstances, how can your son be keeping someone's daughter, for two up to seven years, without you talking sense into his head, by doing the right thing?

Families of Pelagies, is it that your own daughters have become burdens to you that you don't care whether the man she is living with for years fulfills the conditions of living together?.

Pastors, Priests and preachers of the Word, what do you tell your congregation, especially those living in such situation? How do you mentor them to making the right decision and to live according to the presciptions of the Word and the society?

Everyone is concerned. Today, group weddings are organised in our local municipalities, while the Catholic church(because I am a Catholic christian and don't know more about other denominations) organises group weddings at a no-cost price.

How long will you study a woman/man, before marrying him/her? What are you studying? Marriage is already a school of two people, and they get to study and understand each other while living together after marriage.

If you have to study a woman before marrying her, study her while she is at her father's house, and not after you have stayed with her for years, to end up throwing her out.

We can give value to relationships by taking the right steps of living together, because those things we neglect, might just be the reason why we keep fighting everyday, and why we refuse to trust our partners genuinely.

Hope this makes sense, and inspires us to do the right thing by reducing the rate rate of CAME-WE-STAY.

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